In Which John Obtains a Portal Gun
by ayre-moose
Summary: .. and decides to pester Dave about how cool it is, because of course he does. Crossover with Portal, sort of. Mostly pesterlog format.   Others on the roster include one Karkat Vantas, and an ever faithful cube .


_In Which John Aquires a Portal Gun_

_Author's notes:_

_I haven't written anything for a loooooooong time now, but when I read homestuck I got a sudden urge to start writing fanfic again! So this is just a little thing I thought of – I'm sure somewhere homestuck's been combined with Portal before, but this is my silly little take on John finding the Portal gun and pestering the first person he sees about it. I guess it's probably character practice as well? As this is of course my first HS fic =p If it doesn't fit entirely in with canon then sorry, imagine this as an AU split-off series of events or something, haha… But anyway enjoy!_

- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 19:53 -

EB: dave!  
>EB: i found the coolest thing today!<br>EB: or, well, it might have found me!  
>TG: what<br>TG: what did you find that could elevate your god tier powers any further egbert  
>EB: umm, i guess the best way to describe it would be a portal gun!<br>TG: i suppose i can kinda guess what that is but explain  
>EB: well, i fired it<br>TG: totally not potentially dangerous and life threatening at all  
>EB: yeah.. well..<br>EB: .. well, i fired it  
>TG: yeah ok cool i mean obviously youre still alive so i guess there werent any major repercussions to that decision<br>EB: no! when i fired it, a strange blue oval shape appeared on the wall! it was.. shimmery  
>TG: shimmery<br>EB: yeah! it's hard to explain without pictures..  
>TG: its ok i understand<br>TG: youre doing the best you can with the minimum of mediums  
>EB: thanks!<br>EB: so after that, the light on the gun changed color!  
>EB: i forgot to mention the light, but there's a light<br>TG: right  
>TG: i have such a vivid image of this in my mind right now you wouldnt even believe<br>TG: a gun with a light that shoots blue ovals  
>TG: i think the irony of its apparent uselessness so far would make it a great addition to my life<br>EB: let me explain, geez dave!  
>TG: k sorry egbert go ahead<br>EB: so I fired it again, at a different bit of wall, and all of a sudden..  
>TG: what<br>EB: have you ever been in one of those elevators with the mirrors that make it look like everything's  
>carrying on forever?<br>TG: sure why  
>EB: it was just like that! the gun shot an orange oval, and it opened up this portal that was mirroring<br>the blue one!  
>TG: thats pretty cool i guess<br>TG: so what did you end up going through the portal or something  
>TG: because that also doesnt sound like a potentially dangerous venture at all or anything<br>EB: well, actually... yeah.  
>EB: but nothing happened, don't worry!<br>TG: do i seem like im worrying  
>TG: im cooler than a goddamn freezer here<br>EB: this is the best bit though! when i walked through the orange one.. i came out through the blue one!  
>EB: actually it was kinda scary at the time..<br>EB: but when i realised what had happened, it was pretty amazing!  
>TG: so where did you find this<br>TG: portal thing  
>EB: well, it turned up in a parcel pyxis! i asked around a bit, but the salamanders didn't seem to recognise it. i guess maybe it fell through the rift from earth!<br>TG: i dunno egbert technology hadnt progressed that far on earth the last time i looked  
>EB: i guess so. i stored it in my sylladex for now anyway, maybe it'll come in useful sometime!<br>TG: goddamn and to think the only thing ive found recently was some stupid cube with hearts on it  
>TG: massive irony factor so i kept it<br>TG: but totally useless apart from that

(Dave glanced down at the large cube he was sitting on. He had found it lying looking fairly out of place on the ground, almost like it was trying to antagonise him with its cutesy outer shell. Dave had, of course, taken none of the cube's shit and had promptly decided it could help him out by being an impromptu chair.)

TG: but i guess if i had to say anything positive about this cube it would be that its a pretty good seating device  
>TG: better than all this damn snow anyway<br>EB: hey, i've found something! the gun has a logo on it, it says 'aperture science'  
>EB: so maybe it did come from earth!<br>TG: well maybe but i wouldnt say thats conclusive evidence  
>TG: i for one have never heard of these aperture science people<br>EB: well i just looked them up, and admittedly all i found was a few pages with not very much  
>information...<br>EB: all i'm saying is that if it did come from earth, that's pretty impressive!  
>EB: makes you wonder just what else they could have been hiding from the world all this time, huh?<br>TG: this cube apparently  
>EB: what?<br>TG: yeah its got a logo with that same name on it  
>EB: wow! maybe it has some sort of hidden power..<br>TG: yeah maybe it shoots heart shaped portals  
>TG: if it does its hiding those incredible powers pretty damn well<br>EB: it's probably rebelling against you sitting on it, dave!  
>TG: yeah well it shouldnt be sitting invitingly in the middle of a vast expanse of snow then should it<br>EB: :P  
>TG: i should get on finding jade<br>TG: the cube can come with me i guess  
>EB: you can try to unlock its secret powers!<br>TG: trust me egbert if this cube is hiding anything i will make sure it wont be for much longer  
>TG: it wont be able to resist the strider charm<br>EB: you go dave!  
>TG: later<br>TG: have fun experimenting with portals

(Same day, different universe…

_One day, on Karkat's standard leaderly check-up through the headquarters, sitting in the middle of a corridor above a large hole in a previously intact ceiling…_

_?: 'ello! Was beginning to wonder if there was any life here at all.. could you tell me where we are? Bit of a stressful journey, would be nice to get my bearings..  
><em>_CG: WHAT THE FUCK  
>CG: WHAT<br>CG: THE SHIT  
>CG: ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE<br>__?: where is space what happened space space is this space  
>?: are you space<br>__CG: WHA- NO I AM FUCKING NOT -  
><em>_?: Sorry about him, actually you know what just ignore him, if we could get back to my question, kiiind of important – are we at least __**on earth**__, do you know, because if not that is, I think, a problem, one that I'm sure we can get over with the miiinimum amount of panic, haha, but seriously, are we? I need to be on earth, things to see, things to do, people to apologize to, you know.. …. Are you ok?_

_Karkat's left eye was at that particular moment experiencing a horrendous bout of angry twitching as he tried to comprehend why exactly there were what looked like two massive eyeballs sitting in front of him, not to mention one talking at him at 100 miles an hour. ..It was going to be a long, long day.)_


End file.
